all she ever wanted
by samanddianefan10
Summary: after suffering a devastating loss, Fran tries to pull herself together finds herself pulling away from the man she loves most in the world. Is true love enough to conquer all? AU
1. Chapter 1

She felt a void, a loss so deep that not even Maxwell couldn't be there for her. She pushed him away, though God knew he kept on trying to get close to her. She was his wife now, and he couldn't just pretend that things were okay when obviously they weren't.

She blamed him. They had lost a child, and instead of being happy for her when she announced the pregnancy, he'd gotten angry with Fran and said some things that he now truly wished he could take back. If only he had a time machine, or even better, if he hadn't been such a bloody fool then none of this would have happened.

It had been two weeks since Fran last appeared from her room. He remembered it all too well. It was the day of the doctor's appointment, the one he wouldn't go to out of stubbornness. The timing wasn't right for a child, he'd said, and besides, there would be other appointments. How wrong he was.

He would never forget the call he'd gotten, saying he'd better get to the hospital as quickly as possible. Fran was not in any danger, but they'd better let her explain to him herself. So he left the children with Niles and when he found her, oh how she had cried. Never before had Maxwell seen the upbeat nanny like this. She'd lost hope, and she'd lost the baby. The baby that he never wanted. He hated himself for many things at that point, but for not being there for her at the doctor's appointment when she got the news that the pregnancy wasn't viable was unforgivable.

And it certainly seemed like that to Fran as well. She had now taken to staying in the guest room, only leaving her newfound haven for showers and little bites of food. Nothing that had given her pleasure before seemed to matter. All that Fran knew was that she was supposed to have been a mother, and that was robbed of her.

In his heart he knew that this was just a cruel act of nature, but Maxwell certainly hadn't helped the situation. How could he make this up to his dear wife? There must be a way, but what?


	2. Chapter 2

Fran wanted nothing more than to just make all of this go away, but as she hadn't spoken to Maxwell in over three weeks, it became apparent to her that something had to give. But what, she hadn't figured out quite yet. She missed finding comfort in the arms of the man she'd waited the better part of her life for, but his words had been so harsh, it was even harder to forgive him than it was to love him at that moment.

"_A baby? Surely you're joking. A baby is the last thing we need around here!" he'd practically shouted as he started to pace around the room._

"_Yes, darling, but it's our baby. We have Niles…"_

"_Who keeps threatening to retire every other day it seems."_

"_And we have the kids,… Maggie would love to help out."_

"_What kind of father would I be, having a child raise a child," He spat out furiously._

"_A good father," Fran smiled. "We'd be a real family."_

"_Are you saying we aren't now?"_

"_I'm just saying…don't ya wanna be there to hear your baby's heartbeat? Our baby's heartbeat?" Fran tried again._

"I don't want any bloody part of this. I'll be at the theater with CC if you need me."

00000

And that was what hurt Fran the most. Instead of being with her, checking on the well being of their child, Maxwell was with another woman, even if it was only CC. CC no longer threatened her, but then again, Max had made his choices and tonight it was painfully clear where his priorities lay. One thing was for sure…she was no longer his priority.

As she waited for Maxwell to arrive, Fran cried as if she had never cried before. No heartbeat was detected, the doctor had said. It was not a viable pregnancy. But that was a mistake. It was her pregnancy, and so she had to come to terms with the sudden change in her plans.

Fran did call out for Max at one point but he hadn't arrived and the doctors needed to perform an emergency D&C. So by the time he got there it was all over with. No more baby, no more worries, at least not for Max.

That was also the only time Fran let her husband hold her for quite some time. She sobbed into his arms, and he knew that he could not say a word to make her feel better. Her ma was waiting outside, but even Sylvia had the sense to know this was a moment Fran needed to have with Max. This was just the beginning of the end, the end of what, Fran didn't know. But he had been with CC instead of with her, and for that, she did not know if she could ever forgive him.


	3. Chapter 3

When the doctor came in to comfort Fran, she'd seen that her patient had fallen asleep, it was probably for the best. Fran had been through so much in such a short period of time, that the doctor had no other option but to sedate Fran. She'd fought, but finally, in her husband's arms, she found the sleep that she so desperately needed.

When Fran woke up, it was to an empty room, save for all the balloons and get well cards that her family, Niles and Max had sent. She picked up the card that her husband had picked out.

Sorry for your loss,

Love always, Max

She teared up reading it over and over again. The whole point of the card made it painfully clear that he considered the miscarriage her loss, not his. He hadn't had to have had a procedure, a painful one and a hurtful reminder of what had almost been. It wasn't fair. Max was already a father, and had experienced the joys of parenthood. But Fran wasn't stupid…she was in her _very late thirties and her chances of getting pregnant again had just decreased by a huge percentage. There was a shot of course, there was always a chance, but that involved two willing partners. She hadn't planned on getting pregnant this time, but she refused to "accidentally" get pregnant. She would not do that to Max, even as mad as she was at him._

_Mad wasn't even the word. He hadn't wanted this baby, so things just went away. She knew she was being irrational, but the thought came to her mind that he had wished away the baby. He didn't want it, and so it went away. Just like a millionaire to always get what they wanted, even when it came to mother nature._

_So as the weeks went by she just buried her feelings, crying into the pillow at times. Sometimes when Max was busy Niles would sneak into her room to check on her for him._

"_Mrs. Sheffield, is there anything I can get you? I brought you some tea and some crumb cake, I hope you like it."_

"_Thanks Scarecrow. It's been long enough…don't you think it's time you called me Fran?"_

"_Oh, I've waited for this day for so long…Fran." Niles smiled as he sat the tray down, then went over to hug her. Neither of them wanted to let go, but protocol dictated that he pull away. Reluctantly, he let go then served her her treats._

"_Do you think…never mind. It's none of my business." Niles turned to walk away._

"_What were you gonna ask me? It's me, Fran. We're nothing if not best friends, right?" she smiled weakly._

"_Oh Fran, do you think you can find it in your heart to forgive Mr. Sheffield? I know he loves you and he's hurting too…"_

"_He's hurting? Tell me something, Niles, if the woman you loved was with another man when you needed her the most would you feel like forgiving and forgetting?"_

"_You mean he was having…"_

"_No, Niles," Fran sighed. "He was with CC. He wouldn't go with me to the hospital and instead he went to the theater. Even if I could put my mind around his logic I don't think I could forgive him. Somethings you just can't forget, even if you wanted to."_

_Niles just stood with his mouth open. He hadn't heard Fran's side of the story before, and even now, that things had progressed somewhat with CC, he hadn't expected her to be with Mr. Sheffield when he should have been with Fran. Now Fran wasn't the only one to feel betrayed._

"_Oh Niles, you're not going to get mad at CC are you?"_

_He sulked. "You know how I feel about CC. I just….I wish things could have been different. I wish someone, anyone, would have been with you that awful night. "_

"_Aw Niles, you can't stay and talk a while?"_

"_I'm sorry Fran, but I have some business to attend to." Niles quietly shut the door and went off on his mission._

_00000_

"_Did you know?" Niles demanded as soon as he cornered CC in the kitchen._

"_Excuse me? Have the cleaning fumes gone to your head? That's right, you don't actually do any cleaning," CC laughed haughtily._

"_CC…I want you to tell me the truth. Did you know about Mrs. Sheffield's pregnancy the night you and Mr. Sheffield went to the theater?"_

"_I don't have time for this. Don't you have some dusting to do or something? Make yourself useful."_

"_The way you made yourself so useful the night Mrs. Sheffield lost her baby? You just happened to be the shoulder on which Mr. Sheffield could cry on concerning the baby, the baby he so clearly did not want? I'm sorry, CC. But I just don't see a future for us anymore."_

"_What? You're breaking up with me?"_

_He stared at her. "I've always seen your true colors, but until tonight I hadn't realized how ugly they really were, Always ready to throw yourself at Mr. Sheffield's feet, you prevented him from being by his wife's side when she needed him the most. All because there is part of you that thinks you can do better than me. Well I won't have this. Not anymore."_

_As she watched him walk away, she felt a sickness that she'd never felt before. Not physically, but mentally. But she knew enough to know that she'd lost the best thing to ever happen to her, for a man who was obviously not worth her affections._

_0000_

"_How is she old man?" Max asked as Niles started to clean the office. Niles said nothing._

"_Well tell me, was she joking, laughing, is she ready to go on a shopping spree? IF there's anything she wants or needs, please tell me. I can't take this solitude she's created for herself anymore."_

"_If she needs her solitude, as you've put it, it's because of your own self. You were too busy putting your wants above her needs, and I don't blame her for not speaking to you. I wouldn't either if I were her."_

"_Why do I keep you here anyways?" Maxwell muttered as he slammed the door after his butler._

_He sat down, wishing that his wife would prance her way into his lap in the office, just for old times' sake. But as long as she locked him out, then there would be no more prancing. Niles was mad at him, and if Niles was mad, surely CC would be unpleasant to work with. If only he could make all of this right. He needed a way, some way. But he was all alone and he had no one to blame but himself._

_TBC_


	4. Chapter 4

Max thought and thought about how things had come to this point, this very dreadful point. He loved Fran, but he couldn't blame her for not forgiving him for what had happened. All because he had been so stubborn- his wife had suffered the worse kind of loss possible for a woman.

That was just the problem. In his mind it was still a woman's loss, not his, and as much as he tried to wrap his mind around it, he found that it still didn't affect him the way it had obviously done to his wife. He was already a father, and he knew that motherhood was the one thing Fran had been looking forward to from her life. But she had adopted his kids, shouldn't that count for something? He was getting blamed for everything in the house, from Fran's miscarriage to Niles and CC's breakup, and he was at his breaking point.

He walked in to see his wife, who was staring at herself in the mirror.

"Looking lovely, as always, my darling," he started with trepidation.

"Hmm."

"Say, the doctors say that it would be good for you to enjoy a day out. How about we go out just the two of us, take a carriage ride in Central Park? You'd like that, wouldn't you darling?"

"How thoughtful of you," Fran spat out bitterly. "Only now do you care what I would like? What about the baby- the baby you didn't want? You didn't want it and you wished it away and you got your wish. What about me? What am I left with, besides a body that betrayed me and a broken heart?"

He started to approach her but knew better than to attempt to touch her at this point. "You can't be serious. You think I wanted this to happen to you?"

"You told me you didn't want this baby. And vamoose, so it goes away. It didn't even have a chance," she broke down, finally allowing Max to comfort her.

"It'll be okay. I don't know how but it will be okay. I promise you that. Anything you like you may have..."

"What about another baby?"

"Darling, don't you think it's too soon to think about that? You've just experienced a traumatic event, your body and mind needs time to heal. I have an idea...how about a trip to a spa. Obviously I'm not as helpful as you need me to be..."

"So your idea of being helpful is to ship me out?"

"Fran, darling, you're being too harsh. I only want to help. Please let me help you. I love you and I only want to see you become the best Fran you can be. Please let me do this for you..."

Fran put down the mirror after deciding that she didn't like what she had seen. "Okay," she muttered, and reluctantly let her husband kiss her on the cheek. Change was coming, and maybe that was what the doctor would order in order to save this marriage.

TBC


End file.
